Iyanla Vanzant is an American inspirational speaker, lawyer, New Thought spiritual teacher, author, life coach, and television personality. She is known primarily for her books, her eponymous talk show, and her appearances on The Oprah Winfrey Show. She can currently be seen on television as the host of Iyanla: Fix My Life, on OWN.
For as long as Iyanla Vanzant has been working on “Iyanla Fix My Life,” she has never hesitated to “call a thing a thing.” So much so that it’s become a bit of a catch phrase for her and a word of advice for her wayward guests. Vanzant sits down with a mother who seems to be oblivious about the ways in which her disparaging remarks about her son’s character and manhood are affecting him.
Naturally, we don’t know the entire family dynamic but in the clip, we can see the and feel the hurt Yolanda spreads with her words.
Iyanla: You say that you don’t see the man that your son is, so I’m asking you since this is not a demonstration of a man, you need to tell me which man you’re using to measure him with. Which one?
Yolanda: My idea.
Iyanla: Is that the idea you trained him up to be?
Iyanla: Oh! So how in the blazing be Jesus are you holding him accountable to a standard that you didn’t teach him, his father didn’t give him. He don’t even know what it is. And yet as his mother, you sit in his face and tell him that you don’t respect him as a man. Tell me how that works.
Yolanda: It’s also how he treats me. He doesn’t respect me as a mom.
Iyanla: You are a provocative victim. You provoke stuff and then when you start being held accountable for it, you start twisting and turning and making the other person wrong… You don’t respect him as a man and you don’t think to consider what that does to his heart, to his soul, to his spirit.
Yolanda: I’m sure that’s hurtful. And it’s hurtful for the things that he’s done…
Iyanla: You’re doing it again. You’re spinning. Do you understand that your mouth, your words are connected to the coils in his heart, the valves in his heart? He can’t help but love you. And every time you dishonor that love, you chip a piece of him.